Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
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So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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