how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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