So drunk its hurt
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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