How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
