i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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