I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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