if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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