I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
