I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
