Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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