babies were throwing up all over the place
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
