i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
