Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
