I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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