He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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