Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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