Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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