so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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