Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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