you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
