i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
