you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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