she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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