Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
