so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
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Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
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I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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