I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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