Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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