First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
