you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
