You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
