They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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