i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
