then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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