I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
