he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
