so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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