i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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