Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
