I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
