Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
