so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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