He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
