Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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