smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
where are you?
Hypothermia
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
