It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
