You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
