Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
