I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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