Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
