It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
