so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
