I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
