I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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