the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
