Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I could fuck to npr.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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