i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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