Me. At least after what I've been through.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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