...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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