I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
