it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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