i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
