I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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