I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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