You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
