TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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