i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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