we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
