i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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